Flatulently Farting

Due to a very sensitive sense of smell, I struggle tremendously with certain smells. Farts being my list topper!! I am undoubtedly convinced that it is an absolute controlled method of releasing gas, and there is no such things as “it just popped out”. A fart does sometimes escape my 6 year old daughter during fits of laughter, and those are most probably the only involuntary escapees.

I consider farting extremely rude and grossly disgusting. I mean, surely you can feel the gas bubbles creeping their way down your intestines and of course you can judge by the amount of bubbles that it is going to be a certain size…so with all this pre-warning, surely a visit to the bathroom can be made well in time for release?

Considering that when in contact with an open flame, certain farts have been set alight, surely it must be damaging for your lungs to be exposed to the same gases? I am opposed to second hand smoke and second hand farts are severely worse.

Then of course there is the “Fart Bubble”… The mass of hot fart gas hanging in a spot in the mall or grocery store, and when you gingerly come gliding around to view some products, you are momentarily trapped in someone else’s fart bubble. Disgusting!! You momentarily feel shocked and then you look to see who just left that spot, and worse case scenario you spot the shopper behind you giving you an odd stare! So not only did you inhale old second hand fart gas, you are now the suspected farter.

Some people have no shame. When I was young, my cousin had a huge collection of lego. I loved it, only trouble was that his room had a permanent fart smell. I was always conflicted between having to endure the smell to play with his lego, or remaining in fresh air without it.

A fart definitely lingers, and even if someone had farted a while ago, it sticks and I can smell a lingering fart smell, yuk. It is said that women fart just as much as men, but men take more pride in farting????? How can you be proud of gurgling, popping sounds escaping your body leaving the air filled with stinky gas?

Did you know that a fart has a sound because of the vibrations in the anal opening? How utterly gross is that. I have some serious fart issues, and will have to seek counseling to deal with the ever growing popularity of people farting and releasing their warm stench into our already suffering ozone. And when all else fails, I have air freshener on hand 😉