Broken promises

As grown-ups we can so easily rationalize things. We are mature enough to understand certain situations, and that some things or people are more important or get preference.

Kids however cannot grasp these concepts. They simply see things as black and white and sometimes their view on things can make us wonder, and re-think previously easily-accepted situations.

Tonight I found myself in a situation where I had to explain things to my daughter, her very basic questions had me thinking…she has a point… Then my rational mind would step in and try to convince my emotional mind that yes… Things haven’t happened because other more important things has to happen… But then my rational mind conflicts with itself questioning the importance of these events preceding the importance of what she asked for, and weighing up the two, I find her needs important and the other needs not.

I find myself so emotionally conflicted and hurt at the same time. I’m angry at myself for not fulfilling her and her sisters needs, I have no one to blame for putting them last on the list as everyone else has their own stuff to sort out and worry about. They are fundamentally my girls, no matter how much I would love people to take them into consideration more, it won’t happen.

Uugh!! I’m so saddened and frustratingly angry with myself! I want to give them all they need and want, and what is worse is that they don’t even ask for a splinter of what other children ask for, but yet, their few requests have not been fulfilled. I just want them happy and comfortable.

I feel so handicapped by my inability to do that for them. 😦 I can’t stand it, I have to do something, no one else will.

Big sigh

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