It is what it is..

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The thing about silence is it makes you think.. It serves as time to reflect. When nothing can deafen out any other sounds….these are the moments I struggle with most.  The moment where I find myself looking at photos of family like a psycho stalker..taking in the detail, desperately trying to not miss everyone so much.

I would give anything to hug my dad, to feel his beard scratch my face, to hear the distortion of his hearing aid against my ear when he hugs me 😢… And smell my mom and feel her all soft and warm in an embrace.

The list is just endless. Finding yourself in an absolutely beautiful place does not replace another beautiful place… I so miss home and work. My friends at work are all pregnant, I hate that I will miss that. My baby sister is getting married in the New year and it breaks my hart that I will miss it.

Starting a new life is challenging..  A word I have been using so often. Our kids are just so amazing and loving their new found freedom and safety.

I just miss my family and friends, my boozy book club, my beautiful house and my dearest Lily.

People judge so quickly when they hear you are taking your pet with you to wherever it is you are going,  but all I want to do is squish her face and rub my hands through her hair.

Sigh, it has been so challenging. People keep asking how you are doing and the generic response applies..”great thanks”…but all you want to do is stay in bed and mourne the people you miss so much.

Seeing as I can not have my family,  all I want is my dog..and enough money for unbelievably large quantities of wine and at the moment I have neither and prospects are just not looking on the up and up to have either any time soon.

Is that just too much to ask for?

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