I am

I am but a whisper, a silent breeze, floating freely. Ten thousand tiny lights move in and out, a kaleidoscope of brilliance and beauty.

I enlighten the soul, carve etchings of words onto the heart. I leave my silent mark. Once my touch has been felt it is remembered.

I am craving and I am lust. I intertwine with feelings of friendship, with soft spoken words, intangible thoughts and feelings.

I uplift, I overwhelm, I care freely. I am abundant and filled with joy. I’m soft raindrops against a window, a meadow filled with Spring blooms.

I hold no value for monetary things, I have no need for gifts. I fill an empty space, join together broken bonds, mend fractured souls, give life.

I sing and I am music to all.

I am LOVE.


Excuses excuses

You can’t always make excuses. You’ll be stuck in emptiness leaving you wanting for happiness and fulfillment, but you’ll never get it. If your constant excuses or explanations are all you hide behind then that’s exactly where you’ll find yourself… Alone behind a screen. It’s become so easy for us to “explain” away our fears and insecurities that it is now commonplace. We don’t have to be honest, we can just be damaged and that should be deemed as enough explanation needed.

Why do we hide behind the words we cannot say? We’ve become such a polite society that there is no room for honesty. If you don’t like something, voice it. If you don’t love someone, tell them. Don’t blame your fears and insecurities, or being damaged. We are all damaged, we’ve all been hurt, betrayed, miss trusted… But what makes it so difficult to pull up those socks???!!! Why can’t we be adults, voice our fears, insecurities, worries etc, and then get on with life. Must everything always be on back order for one day, for one day when you are less damaged, more secure in a better place?

Saddest thing of all is that one day will come too late. People would not have stuck around, and you would be left with all those feelings and the inability to get over them will be all you have left to fill the void. Why give up people that would moves mountains for you? You’ll realize it way too late and ironically end up with someone that at best would move a little mole hill. Settling for that would be sad.

Don’t be ignorant of the things that are tangible and right in front of you for the taking… Remember what you do not grab, someone else will. Those lost opportunities will be your own cross to bear.

Everyone deserves what ultimately makes them happy and fulfilled. It’s not a compromise, if it was then it’s not worth it. You don’t compromise on happiness, or love, or friendship. It’s too priceless to settle for anything but what you really want!

My dearest…

As you know I’m very sentimental. I used to have a box filled with notes and letters I received from when I was about seven years old onward. It was sadly thrown away by someone that thought it nothing but rubbish. I had that box for eighteen years. It was filled with childhood laughter and giggles, moments of heartbreak or support and just fun notes and trinkets. I miss those bits of memories taken from me but I at least still hold the memories within me.

There is something special about a handwritten letter. It’s tangible, has a smell and has the writers personality trapped in the handwriting. Back when we wrote notes and letters we took pride in which paper, the choice of an image on it or not, scented or plain, just folded, folded in a shape, placed in an envelope or not. There was excitement in the delivery of it, sending it along classroom seats, slipped into someone’s bag, delivered by mail. There was even more excitement receiving one!

I miss that. Technology is fantastic, practical, quick and effortless but it lacks the feel and appreciation that you had knowing someone put effort into something written for you to read.

What I miss most from my box is the small pack of letters I took from my dad’s cupboard as a child. One or two letters written by my granddad to my grandmother… I loved the way he versed himself. It was so beautiful. The care he took in writing his words with the neatest handwriting. I remember he always signed off saying ” met liefde van jou beminde” which translates to ” with love from your darling or sweetheart. Sigh, I wish I could read through all those old letters again, smell the smells and recall the event and memories connected to them.

There is just something so memorable and priceless about something so tangible.