How do you love a Child?

How do you love a child? The topic of children and their love and respect towards their parents have come up in many of my conversations with people.

I honestly believe that children unlike dogs, do not love you unconditionally just because you are their parent. I’m not saying they won’t forever love you, but the degree of that love still remains earned, not a given.

As a parent you cannot shout and swear and maybe physically harm your child and expect that child to speak to you with respect and love and adore you. As a parent we still have an obligation to our children to show them respect to earn respect in return, to show them love and the many ways in which love can be shown in return. To form bond of trust so that they learn to trust others. To argue and have conflict but deal with it in a way that teaches them how to functionally manage conflict they’ll face in life.

It’s absolutely heartbreaking seeing a child in tears, torn between the excuses they are making to rationalize why their parent lashed out at them aggressively….or seeing a beautifully lit up face drop when they see their parent either completely drunk, or the embarrassment after a phone conversation where they are being screamed and yelled at.

Your child loves and adores you! But that love is not unconditional…it’s going to fade and you’ll be loved, but never respected. Visits will end up being fewer and fewer as you get older, and your child won’t miss you much.

Take responsibility! Don’t blame your bad habits on depression or circumstance, you ultimately choose to pick up that beer or to smoke that cigarette, or to smack and even choke your child. You choose to shout and disrespect.

At the end of the day it’s a choice between choosing your relationship with your child, or your relationship with your bad and harmful habits. It’s never too late to mend a fractured bond, but once it shatters, gathering the pieces and trying to repair it might take a very long time, time you might end up not having.

I would love to beg and grovel and try to talk some sense into you! Your kids love you! You’ll never be replaced, ever… Just love them back, respect them enough to stop the habits that fill them with so much hurt…. Please!!!

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I try

For TC:

We were put together for a reason, even if we cannot see.
It’s a card that life has dealt and connected we’ll forever be

I can no longer teach you or help you to grow.
Can’t brush your hair or tie your laces in a bow.

But I promise to always do the best I can do
I’ll be there to console you when you feel blue

I’ll stop and listen when you’re feeling low
Because I care so very much,
I can’t just let it go.

I’ll cook your meals, treat your colds or just go with you for a walk
I’ll be there when you’re hungry or lonely or just want to talk

I’ll give my heart, my time and love
Even if I’m last on your list and everything else is above

I’ll make sure your birthday is one special day
Please know you’re thought of often in a very special way. Β 

Even when you do or say something that injures my feelings
Just keep in mind that I hurt while I’m healing

I hope deep down inside you’ll know how much I really care
And if you ever need me I promise to be there

Broken promises

As grown-ups we can so easily rationalize things. We are mature enough to understand certain situations, and that some things or people are more important or get preference.

Kids however cannot grasp these concepts. They simply see things as black and white and sometimes their view on things can make us wonder, and re-think previously easily-accepted situations.

Tonight I found myself in a situation where I had to explain things to my daughter, her very basic questions had me thinking…she has a point… Then my rational mind would step in and try to convince my emotional mind that yes… Things haven’t happened because other more important things has to happen… But then my rational mind conflicts with itself questioning the importance of these events preceding the importance of what she asked for, and weighing up the two, I find her needs important and the other needs not.

I find myself so emotionally conflicted and hurt at the same time. I’m angry at myself for not fulfilling her and her sisters needs, I have no one to blame for putting them last on the list as everyone else has their own stuff to sort out and worry about. They are fundamentally my girls, no matter how much I would love people to take them into consideration more, it won’t happen.

Uugh!! I’m so saddened and frustratingly angry with myself! I want to give them all they need and want, and what is worse is that they don’t even ask for a splinter of what other children ask for, but yet, their few requests have not been fulfilled. I just want them happy and comfortable.

I feel so handicapped by my inability to do that for them. 😦 I can’t stand it, I have to do something, no one else will.

Big sigh

Fray Stop ??!!

Aaaggh yes, I’ve come to realize I ponder over things way too frequently. I analyze, assess, re analyze, ponder some more…It’s utterly exhausting! In the very many moments where I find myself unable to sleep, it always consumes my sleepless moments, leaving remnants of frustration, sadness, anger and above all exhaustion.

I’m undoubtedly fraying… Slowly but surely at the seems till nothing will be left but the frays. I’m not really functional, if I had been a power tool or appliance I would have been returned or taken in for repair ages ago. Sadly I think my warranty has expired, so I’m left functioning at a much less desirable level.

My rational mind knows that I should just take a moment to breathe, stop analyzing, stop wanting things more ordered and organized, but it’s challenging. Relinquishing control to my more rational self is proving much harder than I expected.

Note to self: just breathe…

Drama Oh Drama!

Being ever so blond, I forgot to publish this post I did last year… Rather late than never πŸ˜‰

After an entire year of driving the girls up and down to their drama lessons, we are finally going to see them on stage.

I have had my doubts about the benefits of these drama lessons as almost everything gets covered in an even more dramatic way than ever before. The girls absolutely love all things music and singing and they both love their drama lessons. I honestly think they were born more dramatic than most, so not so sure if sending them to drama has been a good thing πŸ˜‰

But seeing them all dolled up and dressed does give me tingles all over and makes me forget all the dramatic tears over the smallest spot of blood or something for the briefest moment…. Sigh, they are so super adorable.

I must admit that this climax to a year of preparation will also give me a much needed break from the constant rehearsal at home. I always explain to people that when I tell the girls to stop singing around the house, it’s not because I don’t appreciate their angelic voices, but hearing any angelic voice for breakfast, lunch and supper does leave me craving a bit of a diet at times… Lol

No honestly, I adore them as very dramatic as they are and if taking drama has somehow added to their dramatic side, then so be it…. I can forgive anything at the moment whilst looking at them in their polka dot skirts and christmas hats πŸ™‚