Aunt to be 😊

My baby sister is anxiously awaiting her first born. Her rainbow baby, a little miracle after a very difficult road of loss and struggle. We are all waiting for the moment.

I couldn’t sleep last night… I am so scared I won’t hear the notification on my phone telling me I am an aunt 😊. I felt like a pile of emotional mushy-ness today, like I needed a hug kind of mushy-ness. That and a ton of cronuts washed down with wine.

Not being there will be heartbreaking, I would give anything to see my sister and hold my niece. Although I will miss it, I am so grateful that the little miracle she has been waiting for is nearly here. It’s so exciting…counting the days…

#almostanaunt

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Whoop whoop…Nearly there

I’m exhausted, and yet so excited I won’t be able to sleep. It’s been a crazy 2 weeks and today was suuuper long. Went in to work at the crack of dawn and came home after dinner. I really felt like falling straight into bed. That was until my sister told me her husband is on his way to drop my parents off at the airport.

They are almost on their way. I feel like I have won the lotto, I am so excited and doubt I’ll get much sleep tonight. I can’t believe they are almost here.

I can’t wait to hug them and take in the familiar smells of everything that is home to me.

We only have a short time together, and a part of me really wishes that we did win just a little bit of lotto to spoil them rotten lol. But I will take what I can get 😁

So happy, in this moment, right now.. happiest I have been in 3 years.

I can’t wait.. Yay!!

Can I have a do-over week?

An awful lot of awful days seems to surround me at the moment. I just cannot seem to get those big girl panties on to get through it. Anniversaries used to fun. Birthdays use to be fun. Now they are reminders that leave me feeling like an emotional wreck.

I knew the 2 year mark was approaching with memories of my last visit and goodbyes with the family. I thought it would be better, reached a milestone after all… but no, no no no. Not better, it has filled my week with me feeling like a biscuit dunked in hot coffee left soggy and falling apart.

Along with the reminders of how much I miss everyone it has been a week of checking of the boxes. The milestones of where we have been and where we are going. I have always been a little impatient. Time to get back to “business as usual” is just taking too long. So it feels like a week of checking boxes of failures more than successes.

I get it, I know it’s been a big change, but it doesn’t make me in any less of a hurry. Two years and even in that time so much change. I like to make lists and check the boxes. Mitigate risk. Have clear direction of where I am going. I have a list, un-ticked boxes and still no clear direction of where I’m going or what I’m working towards. Sigh… risk seems to be the only thing I have mitigated well, but I’m at a point where I no longer want to take the most cautious approach. Maybe big risks will bring great reward.

I don’t know. What I do know is this week won’t be a good one to make important decisions.   I miss my family. I miss meeting my husband for lunch, I miss work, I miss painting, I miss being woken up early morning by my sister-in-law popping in with coffee.

Sigh. Next week will be better. Logically I can process the reality of that sentence. Emotionally I don’t understand it’s meaning.

A Message from my mom

Seems it’s friendship week. Earlier today I thought about some of the people at work and how profoundly they impact my day, my mood and my outlook on the place I now have to call home.
You sometimes feel like sayimg to someone that their friendly smile is all you needed in your day, or their kind words. Well I received the following from my mom and thoughtbto share this as I find it so beautiful.. 

“This quote is profound: If  you will take the time to read I promise you’ll walk away with an enlightened perspective. The subjects covered  affect us all, on a daily basis: 

They’re  written by Andy Rooney, a man who had the gift of saying so  much with so few words.  ………Enjoy………

I’ve  learned …That  the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly  person.

I’ve  learned ….  That when you’re in love, it shows.  

I’ve  learned ….  That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’  makes my day.

I’ve  learned ….  That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the  most peaceful feelings in the  world.

I’ve  learned ….  That being kind is more important than being  right. 

I’ve  learned ….  That you should never say no to a gift from a child. 

I’ve  learned ….  That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the  strength to help him in some other way. 

I’ve  learned ….  That no matter how serious your life requires you to be,  everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.  

I’ve  learned ….  That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a  heart to understand.

I’ve  learned ….  That simple walks with my father around the block on summer  nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an  adult.

I’ve  learned ….  That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets  to the end, the faster it goes.

I’ve  learned ….  That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask  for.

I’ve  learned ….  That money doesn’t buy class.

I’ve  learned ….  That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so  spectacular.

I’ve  learned ….  That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be  appreciated and loved.

I’ve  learned ….  That to ignore the facts does not change the  facts. 

I’ve  learned ….  That love, not time, heals all  wounds.

I’ve  learned ….  That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. 

I’ve  learned …  That life is tough, but I’m tougher.  

I’ve  learned ….  That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the  ones you miss.

I’ve  learned ….  That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock  elsewhere.

I’ve  learned ….  That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one  more time before she passed away.

I’ve  learned ….  That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because  tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I’ve  learned …..  That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your  looks.

I’ve  learned …..  That when your newly born grandchild holds your little  finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for  life. 

I’ve  learned ….  That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all  the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing.

To all of you…. Make sure you read all  the way down to the last  sentence.

It’s National Friendship Week. Show your friends how much you  care. Send this to everyone you consider.”
Dankie mammie xx