Parking Paranoia

You know that feeling you get at the very top of a roller coaster…the one of dread, not to be confused with the one of excitement? Well, that is how I feel when I have to parallel park. So the simplified solution to my dilemma is to park where I can simply drive into a spot, and where the word “parallel” is not involved. Sadly the traffic surrounding my daughter’s school at one o’ clock makes it impossible to do this.

I usually see to it that I am there about forty minutes before the bell goes, thus ensuring stress free parking. I can pick out a nice spot, simply drive into it and leave enough room to comfortably drive out again. The days where I find myself unable to get to the school early, I perspire and almost brake out in hives when I drive up and see the smallest space, if any, available. I simply skip it and circle till there is a comfortable three car space for me to pull into.

The traffic is really heavy to the degree where people even double park, and no, they don’t leave their cars running…they switch them off and park! Last week I parked and this old guy parked right next to me, car switched off and all. I thought to myself that even though I’m parked in, at least I’m parked! The very next day, he did the exact same thing, I felt a bit annoyed having to wait, but oh well.

To my absolute astonishment another women double parked next to the guy that double parked next to me!! And this is in a normal two-way road. At first I thought she stopped for a car from the front, but apparently not. The cherry on top was when the old man wanted to go and he was parked in! Whahahaha, he got very agitated and started hooting.

Oh the joy! I still don’t venture into the dismal world of parallel parking and I reckon I need hours and hours of professional training and some sort of stress relief tablets 🙂 For the moment I’ll stick to the parking spots that call out to me…

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Some Men…

Men…They are – and this is said in a very non-sexist way – soooo predictable.  I have come to the conclusion they are generally all the same.  The other day, I went to the hardware shop where I get oil paint at a pretty good price, wearing a very plain, bland, white mommy dress.  I must just add, that there is something about wearing white, that makes you feel almost virgin-like, angelic and innocent, which I do like to pretend I am (my mom would be sooo proud )  So this guy comes over and asks if he can “assist” me with the paint and so on, I kindly said “no thanks”. Total waste of breath as he stood stuck on the spot leaving me with a feeling of stepping in warm, baked in the sun, irritating gum on the pavement that you just cannot get of your shoe.  During the process of giving me oh –so-much guidance, he kept on sneaking a peak at my boobs… and really there is just not enough to even look at. All I was thinking was…”thank goodness for your help, how would I have ever managed to carry all three tubes of paint all the way to the counter” it would have most definitely killed me.  So I made a very annoyed, quick exit, cutting my shopping spree short.  Leaving and feeling very irritable at the bloke.  I came to the conclusion…next time when he approaches to help, I’ll simply tell him that he must just take a look at my boobs and go on his merry way so that I can have some peace and shop…. And you know, what is truly sad is that we as women can’t even get revenge and mindlessly  stare at a man’s crotch or something… because they will with no doubt NOT feel embarrassed or irritated or have a “just look at my face” feeling…oh no..They will most probably feel soooo flattered and give you that very  “o-la-la I’m so sexy aren’t I” look… idiots, you know who you are!