Missing you

I miss you so much. It feels like a plaster has been ripped off leaving me with a open wound. I can’t sleep as thoughts of you are filling my heart.
I can still hear your laughter and your cries. I remember how sad and tired you used to be and how you would still try and clean the house you stayed in at the time… I remember how I used to come and we would tidy together and hang out the washing. How I wish that we could do that just once more.
I remember how you cried when I came to fetch you for your chemo…it killed me inside having to force you to go.
I remember the passage of the chemo ward and the smells. I remember how you would grab my arm the closer we got to the door, I remember your pleas and sobs before having to go in.
I sat crying in the waiting room knowing how much you hated being there. I hope you can forgive me, I just wanted you to get better.
I regret leaving you to stay with your son, he didn’t take care of you. Your last year was miserable, I’m sorry mommy…I should have done something.
I will never forget hearing you were in hospital. You looked so frail,it broke my heart. I begged God to make you better and was so cross with Him when he didn’t.
I remember how you held my hand and tried to tell me something…what did you want to say??
Your last words to me was forgive me I’m sorry… For what mommy, I don’t understand.

I miss you so much, I hope you are well and singing again just like you wanted to.
Love always
Your daughter in law xx