Detox update – the misery

green-guy

Day 3 of my green tea detox started off miserably.. Tea lady still off sick so I thought I have no choice but to skip. After all my hands are completely incapable of preparing my own little cup of green gunkiness.  Big sigh..but enter the wonderful colleague that spoils me with coffee way too often and whalaaa… cup of deliciousness 😦

So I’m on cup number two.. I think the green tea is definitely altering my mood.  I definitely feel like I’m having a PMS day.  Ladies you would understand.  Not the moody I-want to-kill-hubby-and-kids moody, but the I-feel-like-crying-because-that-tampon-add-is-just-so-beautiful moody.  I can’t deal with anything. Dogs on Facebook – sad, Kids on X-Factor – sad, Smiles from people I work with – sad.  I blame the tea.

So what to do when you can’t melt into an unrealistic puddle of sadness.  It really is tough being a women, I’d much rather just scratch my balls and down tons of green tea like a boss.  But it seems my balls have retracted into my body (and yeah girls, this really does happen to men) and left with very little testosterone to man up, I do kinda feel a little fragile.  Yet again, I blame the stupid tea!

Not sure if this was the best idea, but then i haven’t had the greatest world changing ideas of late. None the less I will finish, or I’ll be finished come end of the week. Either way I will keep you updated. Purely because this is so life changing interesting and I’m sure you have nothing better to do with your time but to read this.

P.S  Feel free to shower me with gifts and comments, and and.. seeing as I’m high on green tea and filled with toxic levels of estrogen coursing through my green tinted veins I need all the support I can get 🙂

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Green tea detox delight…uh…no

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Green tea..hmmmm… uhm.. nope…  the word green evokes so many positive feelings… nature, freshly cut grass, good health, a clean world, little drops of morning dew on a tiny leaf, sustainability etc etc. But let me tell you one thing, it evokes absolutely none of those emotions in me when it is connected to the word *Tea*.

I am going through a semi mid life crisis where I feel old and tired and more flabby than usual. So what does any normal urban house wife and mother do?? Google a solution.  Aaah, my good old friend Google, we share an intimate relationship, you know my deep desires, my dark secrets, my every desire and symptom… oh wait, Google thinks I’m dying.  So hold that thought. It might not be the best idea (EVER) to google any symptoms you might have as Google doctors would undoubtedly give you a diagnosis that only House MD would be able to cure.

Makes no difference in my need to feel a little less fatigued and have a bit more spring in my step.  The thought has crossed my mind that my oh-so-gorgeous-partner might be the cause of my lack of sleep, because besides his dashing looks he is not a bad conversationalist it seems.. those attributes paired with a glass of red deliciousness might leave most ladies a little tired.

Sigh… anyway …focus – another thing I seem to struggle with 🙂   So back to the topic… I am doing a green tea cleanse. Five tiny cups of hot greenish looking water with no added sugar for pleasure and no milk just to sap away any possibility of pleasure per day. Yip, I know it sound so easy, a walk in the park, but it is NOT!  I managed 3 tiny cups and one mug (made for me by our tea lady)  yesterday and opted to down it instead of taking small torturous mouthfuls, after all. sometimes it is just best to swallow right?.  It made me feel..wait for it… the same 😦 . But it was the first day of five, so on to today. Just finished cup number 2 and doubt I’ll manage more than 3… after all our tea lady is off sick today, so all in all not REALLY my fault.

I feel a little lighter, not sure if it is all the weedy looking greens just going to my head though, but will see after this week.  I recon I will be nothing short of an expert and will be able to give you all some sound advise if you wanted to try it .. wink wink, lol.  After this I will definitely try something else, my friend Google has the best ideas.

Steped up Step Mom

My girls have a new lady in their lives… On days like today where I scrutinize everything breaking it all down and questioning everything, I am once again reminded of the blessings that surround me regardless of everything else.

This lady is definitely one of them. My ex-husband’s new girlfriend. Reading all the fables and tales as young children, we are so indoctrinated with images of what we deem a step mom would be. My girls had all these fears of sprouting wings and poisoned apples.. Lol, not literally, but it came down to it that no step mom would ever be good.

I remember my initial discussions with them about the topic and all the reassurance they needed. Today I feel reassured, I know when they are not with me they are in good hands. I’m a paranoid mom, I worry about everything…too little sunblock, too much sugar, too little food, too much swearing, too little discipline, too much discipline, lunch boxes, extra clothes, outings, a safe driver driving my girls around… I worry about everything! It’s terrible worrying about your child’s safety and welfare if you cannot control it.

Knowing they are safe and well looked after leaves me breathing a little easier.

Gloriously Aromatic Coffee

Like 91% of people world wide, I have to have a steaming cup of coffee first thing in the morning. It’s ability to stimulate and lift my spirit makes it my most favored drink. The roasted aromatic smell of this dark and pungent liquid, leaves my senses stimulated, and with no doubt puts a little spring in my step.

Coffee is actually a fruit, it’s a cherry. The berries are red and contain 2 green beans each which get roasted at approximately 400 degrees to get it’s unique flavor. Coffee contains no calories! It is naturally a no calorie drink. This is fabulous, don’t you think? This is however if you add no milk and sugar, but I like mine with at least one spoon of granulated sugar bliss.

Dark roasted coffees actually have LESS caffeine than medium roasts. The longer a coffee is roasted, the more caffeine burns off during the process. So don’t be fooled thinking a dark roast will have more kick.

I can not go a day without coffee, trying to resist the full, rich flavor of it would be absolutely futile 😉 Apparently there are 5 steps to coffee intake:

1.Pre-caffeinated – the stage where you can not start a conversation, can hardly get dressed and undoubtedly under perform in all aspects.
2. The first few sips – slowly regaining your personality and almost your normal self.
3. The high – everything in the world seems in balance and conversations are easily executed.
4. The runs – well, we all know that caffeine is a natural laxative after all.
5. The crash – sad but true, every high has a low, at this point you have to have another cup brewing already!

One or two cups of coffee per day can actually be beneficial to your health, it lowers blood pressure and contains some antioxidants. Definitely worth indulging in. As I indulge in my last cup before bed, I leave you with this;

“Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.” – That’s the recipe for coffee, according to the utterly French statesman Talleyrand (1754-1838).

Resolutions on track????

Aah yes, sadly as I previously confessed, my new years resolutions fell of my wagon ages ago. Trying ever so hard to beat the flabby, saggy gravity inviting pull of age I have yet again decided to torture myself in trying to stick to some form of diet and exercise. Monday generally being the start of most tortures things, I allocated mine to the start of my new regime.

Mind you that I am equipped with a secret weapon or two in the glorious form of an endearing friend and baby sister that is a personal trainer. My friend and I will try and resume some form of walking, I suggested trying a light jog, but my subconscious mind has been flagging the idea with images of us having to phone for help as we lay on the side of the road in need of water and transport.

My sister suggested her most favorite form of exercise using resistance bands and small weights. I’m getting heart palpetations already and I can seriously feel the impact on my body just contemplating the very idea…but exercise seems definite and I’ll give it a go. Other than exercise, I’m dedicating myself to all things sadly deprived of a sugar content 😦 oh yes, the cherry on this very unsatisfyingly dreary cake is that consumption of water will commence aswell.

(BIG SIGH) If all I get out of this scoundress deal is glowing skin and better all over energy, then it might be worth it. I will however undoubtedly fill my body with all things gloriously sweet over the weekend making sure my hamster cheeks store as much sugary delights as possible! I’ll also have pudding at my monthly book club get together as these are undeniably to scrumptious to say no to.

So holding thumbs for myself, hope to at least make it through one week 😉