Reading between the lines

Pretty little liar

It appeared silently and slowly took it’s place
The tiny crack on your fake porcelain face

No words were needed to be said

As you construed the truth in your tiny little head

Thinking no one will notice or see

How imperfect you are and what a liar you could be

Now sleep tight and let the darkness hold you

For someone lost forwarned you and told you

Alone in your space swimming in deceipt and in lies

Trust has been broken and so all remaining ties

Sigh

It’s amazing how people can let you down. I despise feeling dissapointed. I have come to realise that people ask you to be upfront with them, or honest, but then when you are, they just cannot handle it. I’m by no means an easy person. I feel very strongly about certain things and would not waver for any reason. I believe in consistency, be false or be true, but for heaven’s sake just be consistent. I see it as a great weakness when people are so influence d by the opinions other people have of them, to the point where they change their mind all the time to accomodate the people they want to be liked by. Seriously??  Why?? Would you rather have a false person in your group of associates or someone you could truly rely on. I have always said that trust is a very fragile thing. In my opinion it is just not realistic to trust everyone at first sight. I always enter relationships with a degree of mistrust. I think trust is proven and earned.

Sigh, I might have trust issues, but I know that the people who confide in me do so knowing whatever secret they shared would be safe. I was recently reminded that even when you think you can trust someone, it is not always the case. Sometimes you should not have to remind people that you are saying things in confidence. Sometimes you should be able to vent and give your opnion without it being discussed with a group of people. Sometimes you don’t speak to the “correct ” people because your intentions were merely to vent, not to complain.

Sigh, it sadens me to know that the few people I started to see as trustworthy, went and shared my thoughts and turned it into endless discussions.

I might be a difficult person, I might not show emotion and go around and hug everyone and cry for every sad situation, but that does not mean I do not feel emotional, it does not mean I don’t want to cry. When I feel hurt, I feel wounded as having gone through a emense battle, when I cry it is because I feel deeply hurt.

My emotions may not show because when they do they are meant, they are sincere, they are painfull.

Trust .. I think not

Trust is such a fragile thing
difficult to share
it leaves you very vulnerable
exposed with what you bare

you put your faith in those very few
hoping that it will be fine
you share the things you never would
over a glass of ruby wine

and suddenly you see the colors as they are
on a day after you spoke
a spectrum you held dear and close
shattered as it broke

suddenly the question marks on why you’re not yourself
but yet you are yourself in every way
it’s just the trust that has disappeared
the trust that has gone away…

Friendship

There are plenty of things that grows better in time. The full richness of a gloriously ruby red wine, the looks of certain boringly plain ugly boys into gorgeous handsome husbands 😉 , deliciously matured steaks, that pair of shoes that has adapted and taken on the exact mould of your feet, and friendship….

Under the wikipedia description of friendship, they state amongst other things : Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:

-The tendency to desire what is best for the other
-Sympathy and empathy
-Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one’s counterpart
-Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support
-Enjoyment of each other’s company
-Trust in one another
-The ability to be oneself, express one’s feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement.

This weekend I attended my friend’s 40th birthday celebration. Her best friend that she has known since childhood was there. It was fabulous to see such an unbelievably genuine display of friendship between two people.

There is a saying that goes; “blood is what makes you a relative, a relationship is what makes you family” How true! Friendship forms like a precious pearl. Layer upon layer of mother-of-pearl, coat a grain of sand until the iridescent gem is formed.

Friendship is exactly the same, layers of trust and appreciation, love, acceptance, life experiences, fun, laughter, sadness, support and so much more add to a relationship that bonds you together tighter than blood.

Reflecting on my friendships past and present, I must admit that I don’t make a very good friend. My best friend from high school still remains like family to me, but I realize that I don’t confide in her or anyone else for that matter. I don’t share my sadness or stresses, my fears or worry. I do however feel that if you are truly bonded as friends there would be no need, your friend will know when you are in distress or in need of support and you wouldn’t have to say anything. They will be there when you need a good cry, laugh when you laugh, aid you without being asked.

According to my husband – which I might add is a very good judge of character – most of my friends do not have my best interests at heart, and most are not truly supportive of my endeavors. I am an honest friend to them though, and I do give my opinion and support honestly. I am truly bad at keeping contact, so to the friends I neglect, I’m sorry. I always feel judged by friends, but I remain true to who I am. So according to the definition of value in friendship, I fail miserably at being a good friend.

I am grateful for the friends I have that I know are supportive and that leaves me with a smile and warmth in my heart…they may not be that many, but I will treasure them.

It is times when you witness a great bond of friendship and where you “feel” the connection between people that you want to be a better friend.
True friendship is so preciously beautiful.