Electrifying Revenge

I love all God’s creatures given that they are covered in fur or feel fluffy and have an endoskeleton. The crunchy bugs with exoskeletons definitely fall in my “grab the doom” category, and anything with composite eyes as well.

My list topper is undoubtedly the common house fly. I can have several fits of annoyance and irritation in very short succession when those pesky little buggers are anywhere in my vicinity. Hate being a strong word, I HATE them!! What an irritation, and I swear they have evolved. The minute you get the fly swatter, they retreat to the ceiling. I have completely given up using pesticides…they only work if you make contact with the fly and only rids you of them briefly before the next bunch of groupies arrive.

I would have no shame taking them and slowly pulling out their wings, torturing them with promise of food and then leaving them to starve. Seriously! I can not stand them. The new breed of house fly leisurely flies down and sits on your leg or wherever, and even if you give it a shake, they stay put. You have to almost swat it away with your hand.

So whilst doing some Christmas shopping, I saw this insect killing thing. It is made especially for indoor use and uses an ultraviolet light to attract the flies and then electrocutes them. Bwhahahahaha (evil laugh).
I immediately purchased one! I truly felt rejuvenated and as if I had won a prize :). I could hardly wait to get home to plug it in.

So after scanning through the instructions briefly, I proceeded to hang it up and plug it in, and wha laa, pest attracting ultraviolet light! It was mesmerizing, I stood gazing at it until… Zap!! , well more like zzzt, and the first victim was claimed.

Whoo whoo 🙂 victory is mine mwha ha ha ha ha. (Bum shake)

Ultraviolet is definitely my new favorite colored light (BIG smile)

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Info me infomercials

Infomercials give me serious bouts of indigestion and moments of disbelief. No one should ever purchase a product advertise by an overly excited, failed motivational speaker that uses loads of confusing hand gestures. With so many “useful” products to choose from, one must fight the urge to feel overwhelmed by the “quality” and “effectiveness” of […]

Off the Wagon

I always enter the New Year feeling a bit ambivalent.  There are a myriad of resolutions that start manifesting, slowly infecting my still sound mind towards the end of the year.  With all these new contaminating thoughts, I end up composing a list of New Year’s resolutions.  My seat is pre-booked on so many waggons and failure is not rewarded the attention and thought that it usually gets.  This year my blissful list of revoltingly simple resolutions elicited a storm of inner protest, and at the beginning of January it slowly started eroding away.  Yes, I was obviously planning on at least trying to stick to some resolutions… but I am like old tic-tac…I have lost my elasticity and my ability to stick to anything. Maybe because I dropped of the wagon like a stone, gathering a lot of moss on the way down the hill, the explanation remains unclear. I did stick to depriving myself of all things deliciously chocolate, and even though I might have enjoyed that wagon ride for the briefest, mini-fraction of time, sadly I plonked off that wagon too.  So there has been a momentary hiatus in my list of resolutions… what to do… In my opinion the votes are in for a new list, lowered expectations, leave room for growth.  After all, my birthday is approaching, and a girl’s got to have cake.

Smelly Science

My sense of smell is the one thing I have, that is SOOO overdeveloped (Why could it not have rather been my boobs??).I can seriously smell the slightest thing, pleasant or unpleasant.  Aniseed gives me terrible headaches, as well as Red Door perfume – awful, awful stuff (of course in my opinion) but what I cannot stand at all is the smell of a fart!!  I do believe a fart should be released only in the bathroom, and really, I honestly think that EVERYBODY can manage to contain it till then.  The science of smell is simple; perfume contains particles of rose and this and that.  If you spray some perfume in the air and walk through it mouth gaping, you’ll most definitely be left with a bitter perfumy after taste.  Soooo… think about this for a moment…. A fart definitely contains particles – little microscopic pieces of fermented, devoured, digested particles of poop. So if you do happen to be so totally misinformed to be in the company of someone that is gas filled and ready to inconsiderately release that warm, particle filled fart, AND if you just so happened to ever have your mouth open, then you most definitely got yourself a mouth full of poop.  Thus the reason for my total despise of the dreaded fart.  I mean, really people … go fart somewhere isolated… and especially those of you that so love doing it in the Mall…  If you are a silent farter…I hope you get an unexpected wet one.