My heart is not singing..much

thoughts

Do what makes your heart sing, your soul dance and keep you fulfilled right?  Yeah, it is so true. Having a very creative personality it is so difficult when you are constricted and unable to express yourself.  Of course I am realistic and I know life is what it is, and we can’t just dance in the rain and be free to do what we want, and I’m not at all unhappy with the things I do on a daily basis. It is the creative side in me that rebels and reminds me constantly that is is deprived of truely great moments of expression.

I have my moments where I feel so unbelievably restricted, and at times it can feel quite claustrophobic.. almost like I desperately need to come op for air just to find that it is a brief gasp. I never realised how important certain things are to me and what meaning they hold but as I’m growing older and exploring the aspects of my personality I realize more and more what it is I want, and what I crave to feel fulfilled. I know I’m ambitious, which in itself makes things difficult. I had so much to prove to some people, which I have done and have gone above and beyond the small goals I set for myself. I suppose it circles back to the fact that I have satisfied certain needs, and in the process I have greatly neglected to satisfy my creative needs.  I’m sure it is a very difficult concept for people who are not creative to grasp, but it really eats away at you, slowly but surely.

I have left work on so many nights determined to go home and do something creative, just to get there exhausted flopping down on the couch with very little in mind other than seeing the girls off to bed and going to bed myself. So what to do, how do you fill the empty gaps deprived of all the little pleasures you love in a world that is so unbelievably limited.

It feels like a curse, equipped with the desire to do so much but chained and unable to. At the moment I’m looking forward to a holiday that is already filled with so many mundane “have to do” tasks hoping there will be a few moments I can steal to be just me. If only I can refuel with a little bit of what I so desperately crave, then I can see another year through. If not, I’m sure it will be great, but my heart will only hum, and not sing again until it has been covered in paint stained brush strokes, or filled with the words of endless novels.

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Creative Bliss

As you know I’m interested in all things creative. I love to write, to paint and sew and read and do all those “arty farty” kinds of things. For some reason it raises eye brows, some people sum me up as uneducated or non ambitious, lazy even. I read a quote this morning saying “keep your nose in books rather than in other people’s business”, so true. I love reading. Fiction, true life, self help.. The genre is not really important, it’s more the information I take from what I read that matters to me most. I miss reading… Not that I don’t read at all, but I read quick blogs or info etc…I miss reading at least a book a week.

I usually read a whole lot more than what I have this last year, but in the relationship I find myself in, my reading time has changed to enjoying endless hours of conversation with a glass of wine 🙂 I’m not complaining at all though. I have an amazing friend and partner and I find myself lost in conversation with him so frequently that time with him never seems enough. I need a day between every one I have just to fit in more wonderful moments. I’m a very lucky lady 🙂

I have started a small business sewing little outfits for children, and I’m loving it and feel so fulfilled when I can use my creativity to make something from scratch. As far as books go, I need to start a new collection. I do so love sniffing out something new and exciting to read. After all, for the moment I can squeeze reading into other gaps of time in my day if it means I can cuddle and converse every night. Sigh, the best of both… Well the best of more than just both, the best of multiple things. Big smile. There is an endless amount of joy and wonder and fulfillment to be found in being blessed with a creative mind.

The love of books…

There is something about the smell trapped inside the pages of a book that is magnetically alluring. It is almost as if every story has it’s own unique aroma. I absolutely love reading, and can loose myself in the pages of countless books that give me an excuse to trail off into some alternate reality.

I’m privileged to be a part of a book club consisting of ten hilariously funny, sweet, endearing, supportive, strong women. We get together each month over a few glasses of wine and succulent dinners. Our “library” has grown and consists of an enormous amount of glorious books from which we can have our pick.

I love reading practically anything. Few things can soothe me as much as the words written on the pages of a good book. I have just finished Clockwork Prince, the second book in The Infernal devices series by Cassandra Clare. It follows on The Mortal Instruments series by the same author. I loved these books…fiction and romance intertwined beautifully! Amongst the many quotes in the book, this is my most favorite:

“The human heart has hidden treasures, In secret kept, in silence sealed; The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures, Whose charms were broken if revealed” – Charlotte Bronte, “Evening Solace” ”

Absolutely beautiful…I loved reading through the finely written paragraphs that caught my breath leaving me grinning and breathless.

I usually read at least two books per month, over December holiday I read twelve. I always feel spoiled knowing that I have enough time on hand to indulge in reading as much as I do. I haven’t been able to read an e-book though. The thing about real books are that sensation you get from paging through crisp pages with a story trapped within them, old yellowed pages that has transcended through countless hands and fingers and eyes taking in every word. E-books hold a story, but not a sensation of literature.

A good book gives you wings and a lightness to soar upon the words and phrases of someone else. Can’t wait to get my hands on another gloriously satisfying and enchanting book to read!

A Good Read

A Friend of mine sent me some books to read … I adore reading … everything and anything really, but my favourite is most definitely fiction.  I luuuuv the whole fake and impossible and unreal aspect.  The “oh come on, it can’t be” and all that…love it!  When I crave something true-lifeish I simply watch the news…saves time for more “intellectual” reading ((Big Grin)) Soo, I have these books, haven’t started yet, but as soon as I arrive at my homely domain and the girls are fed and washed and I have finished my repair and maintain routine…THEN…I’m going to get stuck into it. Cannot wait!!