A Message from my mom

Seems it’s friendship week. Earlier today I thought about some of the people at work and how profoundly they impact my day, my mood and my outlook on the place I now have to call home.
You sometimes feel like sayimg to someone that their friendly smile is all you needed in your day, or their kind words. Well I received the following from my mom and thoughtbto share this as I find it so beautiful.. 

“This quote is profound: If  you will take the time to read I promise you’ll walk away with an enlightened perspective. The subjects covered  affect us all, on a daily basis: 

They’re  written by Andy Rooney, a man who had the gift of saying so  much with so few words.  ………Enjoy………

I’ve  learned …That  the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly  person.

I’ve  learned ….  That when you’re in love, it shows.  

I’ve  learned ….  That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’  makes my day.

I’ve  learned ….  That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the  most peaceful feelings in the  world.

I’ve  learned ….  That being kind is more important than being  right. 

I’ve  learned ….  That you should never say no to a gift from a child. 

I’ve  learned ….  That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the  strength to help him in some other way. 

I’ve  learned ….  That no matter how serious your life requires you to be,  everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.  

I’ve  learned ….  That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a  heart to understand.

I’ve  learned ….  That simple walks with my father around the block on summer  nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an  adult.

I’ve  learned ….  That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets  to the end, the faster it goes.

I’ve  learned ….  That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask  for.

I’ve  learned ….  That money doesn’t buy class.

I’ve  learned ….  That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so  spectacular.

I’ve  learned ….  That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be  appreciated and loved.

I’ve  learned ….  That to ignore the facts does not change the  facts. 

I’ve  learned ….  That love, not time, heals all  wounds.

I’ve  learned ….  That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. 

I’ve  learned …  That life is tough, but I’m tougher.  

I’ve  learned ….  That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the  ones you miss.

I’ve  learned ….  That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock  elsewhere.

I’ve  learned ….  That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one  more time before she passed away.

I’ve  learned ….  That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because  tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I’ve  learned …..  That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your  looks.

I’ve  learned …..  That when your newly born grandchild holds your little  finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for  life. 

I’ve  learned ….  That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all  the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing.

To all of you…. Make sure you read all  the way down to the last  sentence.

It’s National Friendship Week. Show your friends how much you  care. Send this to everyone you consider.”
Dankie mammie xx

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To do list…survive another year

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Apparently it takes two years to adjust…twelve months seem like a really long time and it is.  a Year ago we were scrambling around getting all our things in order for our trip. It feels like it was just the other day. There are those moments where you so desperately miss family that it feels like forever, where the gap suddenly closes nearly shut and you remember the wave of emotions felt as if it was yesterday,  you realize just how long it has been and how far away you are from the familiar warm embraces that you loved and now miss.  It is surreal and you know it is not just a simple hop in the car and a drive down the road to go catch up.

I often check my Facebook and look at my nearby friends just to see that everyone I want to spend time with is 12000km away. I keep checking as if that gap would magically close and become smaller but it never does.  Meeting new people and seeing them on there does not quite help just yet. In our rush to get on with things, work and trying to balance several other things we find very little time to make new friends. I definitely miss having someone pop over for a glass of wine or visiting family. It is the single hardest thing to adjust to.

Sometimes you drive in your car and see someone that resemble somebody you know and for a split second you want to believe they are magically there but then you realise you are just being stupid and they are not. It is weird how you carry the smell of someone with you, you can’t smell them but you know their scent and you just want a hug and to be surrounded by the familiarity of that smell… the smell of mom or dad, the feeling of dad’s stubble against your cheek… I miss it, it’s hard.

My boss and her family moved here when she was my daughter’s age, I also work with her brother and he was only six when they moved. Listening to him speak about their experience gives me hope. They started over and they are fine, they are all well, seem like a lovely close knit family, successful with a bunch of gorgeous kids. I’m really hoping my kids will look back one day and feel that we did something good for them. I honestly hope I will look back and feel I did something good for me.

Hopefully we will make some friends along the way and hopefully I can sip a glass of wine with a good friend that will get me and laugh at my stupid jokes. For them moment I do not feel feel like celebrating the last year that has passed.

When September ends

Only two days left of September. I could not be happier that this month is finally coming to an end. It’s the month I started dating my ex, the month we got married and years later the month the girls and I moved out and the month we started divorce proceedings.

There were a few contributing factors that made this month particularly difficult. For one I had to phone my mom on her wedding anniversary, a date we use to share, and wish her without bursting into tears. I had to live through the many regrets I have and will always have. Then there was the wedding of my friend’s dad. With every dress I sewed I cried, with every thought of beautiful vows and flowers and happy wedding bliss, I was filled with sadness. I loved being apart of it all, but the constant reminder that I will never have that again was painful.

I know with my history I can’t expect any man to want to marry me, and be burdened with my children. I hate compromise, I did it for 15 years so I am selfish. I want what I want, but still I find myself at the precipice of another spell of way too much compromise and it infuriates me. I hate excuses, I try not to make them, and despise receiving them in return. You want something or you don’t, compromising on your choice of pudding will leave you satisfied with the dessert, but unfulfilled because you didn’t have exactly what you wanted.

I have been left damaged by my previous relationship, everyone is left with scars and damaged at some point, the fact that people use this as their excuse is what upsets me most.

Sigh, you reach a point in life where you know you can compromise and be happy with apple pie, but you also know you’ll be completely fulfilled and in absolute bliss having the chocolate mousse you actually want. So should you rather skip having apple pie and wait till you can have chocolate mousse? Surely then the people insisting on apple pie can have just that and in their own right be fulfilled, and you can end up having chocolate mousse with someone that wants chocolate mousse and also be fulfilled.

So is it really worth going through life being happy but not fulfilled?