I love this.. it speaks to me and as most of you know I love words and they deeply affect me. The power in tone, in meaning.
When I sit down and think of all we still need to get done. We aren’t that young anymore…I have been losing sleep over time.
I calculate the time from now required to save up enough for a deposit on a house.. then the time required to pay that house of… time needed to learn new job skills… time needed to progress in our jobs…
All things that take time.. time I feel we just don’t have enough of. I am not ungrateful, I’m just conscious of time.
Time makes you money driven.. we need more of it and sooner rather than later… or we need extra time to do other things to earn more money…. time ticking away… not too much of it left before we have a daughter of to Uni… not much more then 3 more off to Uni…
Sigh… feeling a little frustrated here.
Really wish we could slow down the clock a bit and have a little more time to get everything done. Having a sense of time flying by has become all too dreadful .
56 days till Christmas …
63 days till 2018
An awful lot of awful days seems to surround me at the moment. I just cannot seem to get those big girl panties on to get through it. Anniversaries used to fun. Birthdays use to be fun. Now they are reminders that leave me feeling like an emotional wreck.
I knew the 2 year mark was approaching with memories of my last visit and goodbyes with the family. I thought it would be better, reached a milestone after all… but no, no no no. Not better, it has filled my week with me feeling like a biscuit dunked in hot coffee left soggy and falling apart.
Along with the reminders of how much I miss everyone it has been a week of checking of the boxes. The milestones of where we have been and where we are going. I have always been a little impatient. Time to get back to “”businesses as usual” is just taking too long. So it feels like a week of checking boxes of failures more than successes.
I get it, I know it’s been a big change, but it doesn’t make me in any less of a hurry. Two years and even in that time so much change. I like to make lists and check the boxes. Mitigate risk. Have clear direction of where I am going. I have a list, un-ticked boxes and still no clear direction of where I’m going or what I’m working towards. Sigh… risk seems to be the only thing I have mitigated well, but I’m at a point where I no longer want to take the most cautious approach. Maybe big risks will bring great reward.
I don’t know. What I do know is this week won’t be a good one to make important decisions. I miss my family. I miss meeting my husband for lunch, I miss work, I miss painting, I miss being woken up early morning by my sister-in-law popping in with coffee.
Sigh. Next week will be better. Logically I can process the reality of that sentence. Emotionally I don’t understand it’s meaning.