Xenophobia – South Africa burning

•April 16, 2015 • 2 Comments

Xenopobia Durban

What is Humanity? The definition of humanity is the entire human race or the characteristics that belong uniquely to human beings, such as kindness, mercy and sympathy.

It is said that we as humans are the most advanced species to ever inhabit this planet. We are the only species to have the ability to escape extinction. We have the potential to do great things, to develop, evolve…
What is Xenophobia? It is the deep-rooted, irrational hatred towards foreigners or that which is seen as foreign or strange.

Countries consist of different groups of people, uniformed by the ties between the qualities of all races and ethnicity. Grown by the skills handed down by foreign nationals and citizens alike. What is a country if not an interweaved network of a combination of all of these. Is there any one country consisting of one and only one race or tribe or ethnicity?

I’m ashamed of calling myself a South African today. I form part of a country filled with a multitude of races. I form part of a country where the very definition of Humanity is obliterated by the blood shed daily, the hatred shown and the complete disregard for human lives. With the recent Xenophobic attacks going on in Durban, threats in Johannesburg, how can we call ourselves human?

Why would you let the irrational fear of someone or something foreign let you destroy their homes, burn down their livelihoods, shoot their innocent children.

Kindness, mercy, sympathy… this makes us human.. this is the definition of humanity.

This is my message to you… you the selfish, the hateful, the Xenophobic attackers…

With your faces distorted by hatred, your hands filled with the blood of innocent others, you are worthless, you are worthless to anyone or anything forming part of humanity.
You have removed yourselves from this group when you smiled upon the faces filled with agony when you broke their bones. The ones you left dying.

You have excuses lined up for your actions, you are unsuccessful and therefore feel insulted and humiliated. You are powerless and therefore need to attack others to feel more empowered. You feel no sense of true identity and therefore need to destroy others to establish an identity and sense of belonging. You are uneducated and need to rid yourselves of anyone on a higher level of education.

Maybe you should consider why any of the above emotions originate.

You are unsuccessful because you want a job given to you with a salary, free home and free utilities, unlike the foreigners that you kill so easily that actually look for work, and when they have secured employment they work hard, they show up and they are respected. They don’t wait for everything to fall into their laps.

Oh and on the topic of things falling into laps… You get electricity for free… yet you plunder and steal the cables not only in affluent areas, but in your OWN areas leaving YOUR people in darkness.
You claim that lack of education leads to crime and to your actions, yet you burn down your OWN schools where your children are given FREE education. You smash the windows, steal the copper pipes leaving YOUR kids without schools or proper toilets.

You live in shacks… because when the government gives FREE housing to YOUR people, you threaten them and make them live in fear as it is seen as unfair because YOU did not get the housing first. You rape and kill babies frequently in YOUR neighborhoods making the YOUR community live in fear, having complete disregard for YOUR people.

Most of the foreign nationals who had shops burned down created employment for YOU. They sell things to others which they bought in bulk or crafted. The only things you sell to other people are the things you managed to STEAL because heaven forbid you actually had to work and make it.

You are the hated, you are the disrespected, you are the “foreign” nationals… you are the ones that do not belong here or anywhere. You cannot even call yourselves human as you do not hold any qualities that can define you as forming part of humanity.

Humanity is being able to ignore the natural you come first instinct.

It is to feel hurt, pain, sympathy. To have understanding, compassion and love for others. It is to show mercy. It is accepting others for who they are.

You are a disgrace to ALL South Africans. I will gladly care for the wounded foreign national that works hard and contributes towards the network and fiber of this country. I will call them brothers…

I call you cowards.

Then there was one…

•April 11, 2015 • 1 Comment

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It is strange how you can be surrounded by people who know you, no, rather people who think they know you,  but they don’t get it.

They “care” and they “love” you… Hmmm

Today was significant, it was or should have been. Just a day like any other, to everyone that “knows” you. To everyone that “loves” you. But if those people took a second to think of anyone other than themselves for a minute, to not be consumed with how you treat them for once, but consider how their actions directly affect you, then they would realise today was significant.

It is usually the “nice” people..the water off a duck’s back people, the “I don’t judge and love all and would never care if you did this or that” people … The ones that are so preoccupied in constantly reminding you of how difficult or judgemetal you are, it is those people… That miss when things actually mean something to you

They are so busy being perfect and nice and likeable, and believe themselves when they say they don’t judge and wouldn’t do whatever or is never affected by whatever that they have become numb..Numb and judgemental and incapable of even trying to understand anyone that acts in any other way that is out of their scope of “normal”

You are judged and made to feel you are always wrong..and end up with days that are significant, but that will never be noticed by the all consumed “all about everyone else but actually all about me” people.

Sigh…

Well today was significant

Out of all the people only one person knew, only one person gave comfort, one person that was not the closest relative, not bestest friend, not closest confidant… No… But that one person with perceptive, that looked beyond everything and gave comforting words and support.

Today was uniquely significant for me… And I will never forget this person,  and I will never forget the rest who did not for a split second even consider the possibility that it could have been a significant day..

I will remember when words were needed most, she was there and everyone else were perfect and judgemental as they usually are.

Walking on broken glass

•March 17, 2015 • 4 Comments

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Trying to not dissapoint people is much harder than it seems. I am peering over the precipice of significant transformation and I am completely engulfed in the suffocating cloud of decisions and insecurities.

It is significant how you act or react when someone or something takes all possibility away from you. It almost confirms the tough choices you have to make are worth making. Like a thief in the night that robs you of what you love, what you hold dear, what you would miss… But being reassured that new and better things will replace all that has been lost.

I have tried to add value, I have tried to improve the quality of things.. We have tried, we have tried and we have failed. It is difficult being a supporter, it is even more difficult being a decider.

With so many things hanging in the balance the path is clear. It is lit by arrows showing the way. The difficulty lies in getting onto the path and moving forward in the direction of those arrows.

I was told recently by an “angel lady” a spiritual guide that she sees me constantly moving, that I need to just “go now”. That with the significant rebirth and transformation all will be in balance as it should be.

I have come to realise a few things…  Where he is..the love of my life..there I will be happy, even if that is worlds away…

I was meant to have 4 kids, that’s why God blessed me with them…

I love my dog and I need to have her with me even if it means that we will be seperated for a while…

I love my family.. I love my family….I love my family… They will all be fine

Actions shout

•March 12, 2015 • Leave a Comment

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The six Faces of Maternal Narcissism

•March 9, 2015 • 2 Comments

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I have been doing a lot of reading on abuse, neglect, divorce, parenting … basically everything I can get my hands on to try and understand the way certain people act the way they do,  how they rationalize things, how the justify their actions… also trying to understand my own reactions to certain situations etc.  I came across this article and found it very interesting, I always maintained that no matter what, everyone is ultimately accountable for their actions or inactions, no matter the background..

What does the empty mirror reflect for you?

“Published on March 14, 2011 by Karyl McBride, Ph.D. in The Legacy of Distorted Love”

The six faces of maternal narcissism are identified as: the psychosomatic, the addicted, the secretly mean, and the emotionally needy. A parent can be a mixture of these types and often that is the case. Although brief, the following will explain each type.

The Flamboyant-Extrovert: This is the mother about whom movies are made. She’s a public entertainer, loved by the masses, but secretly feared by her intimate house partners and children. She’s the show biz or stage mom and is all about performing. She’s noticeable, flashy, fun and “out there.” Some love her but you despise the masquerade she performs for the world. You know that you don’t really matter to her and her show, except in how you make her look to the rest of the world.

The Accomplishment-Oriented: To the accomplishment-oriented mother, what you achieve in your life is paramount. Success depends on what you do, not who you are. This mom is about grades, best colleges and pertinent degrees. But… if you don’t accomplish what she thinks you should, she is deeply embarrassed and may even respond with fury and rage.

The Psychosomatic: The psychosomatic mother uses illness and aches and pains to manipulate others, to get her way, and to focus attention on herself. She cares little for those around her. The way to get attention from this kind of mother is to take care of her. This kind of mother uses illness to escape from her own feelings or from having to deal with difficulties in life. You cannot be sicker than she. She will up the ante.

The Addicted: A parent with a substance abuse issue will always seem narcissistic because the addiction will speak louder than anything else. Sometimes when the addict sobers up the narcissism seems less but not always. The bottle or drug of choice will always come before the child.

The Secretly Mean: The secretly mean mother does not want others to know that she is abusive to her children. She will have a public self and a private self, which are quite different. These mothers can be kind and loving in public but are abusive and cruel at home. The unpredictable, opposite messages to the child are crazy-making.

The Emotionally Needy: While all narcissistic mothers are emotionally needy, this mother shows the characteristic more openly than others. This is the mother you have to emotionally take care of which is a losing proposition to the child. The child’s feelings are neglected and the child is unlikely to receive the same nurturance that he or she is expected to provide for the parent.

If your parent had some of the above traits, it is important to note that they were not born that way. They likely had their own insurmountable barriers to receiving love and empathy when they were children. This does not take away your pain. We cannot ever condone child abuse. But, this knowledge does help accomplish a deeper understanding.

If your mirror is empty and your childhood lacked in proper nurturing, remember as an adult that recovery is the answer. It is mostly internal work that must be done. The healing five-step recovery model is outlined in Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. Once we understand, we can move forward and build an internal mother who is always there when you need her. Unlike the narcissistic mother who is always there when she needs you.

 
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