Self-image

As a women I have often had conversations with a friends and the topic of self-image comes up numerous times. We all know society is fiercely superficial displaying images of only the most beautiful women with amazing bodies. We try to raise our daughters to focus on their inner beauty and to not worry about what other people think or say, but somewhere along the line they will have a change in how they view themselves. I personally think a fraction of women are truly confident and happy with their looks, with most of us trying to at least just be content.

I have had this discussion with men also, and not to generalize, but most men will confidently tell us that “men are visual” and that’s why they look and that’s why they desire. I wonder sometimes if men think that women have absolutely no visual cortex. It’s almost a given that men can “let go” of themselves and get grossly fat and unattractive to their partners, but heaven forbid if you are a women and do the same. Yes, of course you love your partner no matter their looks, but do you then still desire that person? Men can try and convince you they love you no matter how you look, but will then constantly look elsewhere. When you lose all confidence in your ability to be attractive to your partner, then they can’t understand why you feel this way.

How many times do we as women look at ourselves and start the familiar internal conversation…trying to convince yourself that you’ve lost your shape to give birth to your beautiful children, or because you are in some or other hormonal phase in your life… trying to convince yourself it makes you unique. Then slowly feeling your throat constricting and the disgust building up inside you. Knowing you are only as satisfying visually until the next best thing comes around.

Body image is the mental representation of what we think we look like. It is influenced by so many factors and it strongly influences our behavior. I feel so saddened that my girls have to grow up in a world where society will at some point influence how they feel about themselves and most men will make them feel inadequate. It also makes me so cross to think that men can ride the excuse of “we are visual” and us as women must just take it!! We as women are also visual, we also enjoy beautiful looking people, we just don’t have the luxury to sit back and get fat and judge.

Sigh, so as I’m sitting eating a cooking and absolutely hating myself for it, I resent society and men for being so unfair. Please don’t bombard me with hateful comments, just let me vent…tomorrow I might feel different…doubt it…but maybe

Go ahead, take it for granted…

It’s something often said… Men are all the same. I think the reason for this is that they really give us more reason to believe that than what they give us reason not too. That being said, women are also all the same. So when you complain about the usual stuff there is some common ground.

So when you actually finally meet someone man or women, that is willing to go above and beyond for you and actually enjoy things most others would complain about, would you consider yourself lucky? Would you consider yourself fortunate? Would you then try and be an even better you to accommodate that person? Or would you simply take it for granted? “I am who I am” …Forget that you are fortunate to not have reason to complain?

…. Very sad, but even given everything on a platter without having to go to any effort, you’ll no doubt not see it. You’ll just shrug it off, say “oh well, I can’t help it”… And you’ll say those words right up to the point where you loose what is given to you so freely on a platter, and you’ll be left wanting.

Don’t complain then! Don’t complain when you are without! Life is short, your window to have the things you love and can indulge in is brief.

Why are all the good men taken?

Why are all the good men taken?

A simple question asked by so many single women with a simple answer that only eludes the ones asking the question in the first place.

Relationships are by no means easy, but also by no means hard. It isn’t constant work and sacrifice or compromise. There are always things we will sacrifice for a loved one, little things we’ll compromise on or even some things we’ll be willing to work on, but if any of those things are significant, then I think you are partnered with the wrong person. If you are constantly compromising and working on your relationship, then seriously…let it go. It should not be that hard to be with someone you love. It should not be constant work. It’s not a job after all.

I think as women we do tend to be more complicated, more moody, more emotional, more demanding etc… I have no doubt men can be that way as well, but let’s face it, we win hands down. I think finding a balance where your partner fills your empty spaces and you his is key to any good relationship. Having someone that not only fills the empty spaces, but adds volumes of love and support, motivation, kindness and friendship makes a great relationship.

You are first and foremost friends after all. If you can feel comfortable enough to expose your raw insecurities and share all your secrets then you have something special. Why else would you spend your life with someone every day if not to be your complete self with that person.

It’s sad that some people will criticize their partners, break down their self esteem, be condescending with every word they say. Taking for granted what they have… Yes it’s very easy to be ungrateful.

I can only speak from a women’s perspective, but you just don’t have the right to do that to your partner! You don’t hurt the people you love. You don’t break them down. So why are all the good men taken?

Because you’re that ungrateful woman that covets what she can’t have. There are undoubtedly available good men out there, but you lack the lifestyle that would make you attractive to them. Being a women does not give you the right to use your moods or emotional insecurities etc as an excuse. Just because he’s a good man, doesn’t mean that’s he’s going to put up with your bullshit.

So there…that’s why all the good men are taken, because we who are fortunate enough to see them for how wonderful they are, will never let them go!

So whilst you still sit there contemplating why you are not happy and why you don’t have a man in your life, I’ll go kiss mine hello, have a bite to eat, snuggle in front of the TV, and remind myself yet again how lucky I am that I saw the things others missed.

Put a little frill in your Underwear

You are what you wear… And yes, your underwear defines you! I have mentioned in a previous post that I believe in great underwear, and not for obvious reasons like your husband or boyfriend or whoever, but completely and utterly for yourself!

No matter your mood, a good set of undies can cheer you up, increase your confidence and put the spring back in your step! I have noticed that it seems the older people get, the more “age appropriate” their underwear appears to be. I see absolutely no reason why a sixty year old women should wear granny panties. I have been having a bit of a browse and find in my personal opinion that some of the quirkier undies can give tremendous support contrary to popular belief.

Some really horrid underwear type include;
Control briefs – those are the ones than seem to end almost under your boobs and sucks the life out of you, and why are they always in the most horribly pale colors?

High cut briefs – the only place where they are “higher cut” is by the legs, other than that they also almost unite with your boobs 😦

Classic briefs – absolutely nothing classic about them. Fuller than the high cut briefs, not as full as control briefs. Comes in all shades of pale vomit colors.

So narrowing it down, I would say it would do you well to stay away from anything that has “briefs” in the name, unless you buy men’s briefs of course lol.

Some well balanced ones with good coverage and firm support – in my opinion – would undoubtedly be bikini, boyshorts,or hipster cut. Now these are available in all shade of bright colors, characterized, lacy in part or entirely, filled with frills or hearts and just about anything imaginable.

I have a sister that is nine years younger than myself, that has given me some very bright and fun pieces of underwear that I absolutely love. Who said Hello Kitty panties couldn’t be supportive? I love my boyshorts and they are an absolute must with a good pair of jeans.

There is such an expectation to be serious and dress appropriate as a grown up, so why not unwind and at least keep your underwear fun. I am going to make a point of buying some funky frilly or characterized undies for my close friends when their next birthday comes up….regardless of their age. Lol, yes mom, you are up next 🙂

And I vow to wear frilly, non frilly, characterized,lacy, pink, red, black, dotted, or whatever I feel like until I’m old and grey! Life is for living, and having fun…and if I’m forced to dress all grown up by society, then at least I’ll keep my undies youthful 😉